For years, I’ve helped women challenge scarcity beliefs in dating.

You know the ones:

• “There are no good men left.”
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• “All the best ones are married.”
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• “Maybe I’ve waited too long…”

As a therapist and coach, I guided clients to rewrite these beliefs, to shift from fear and scarcity to more hope and abundance. I believed that these unhelpful beliefs might get in the way of finding love. And, of course, it’s possible they do.

But lately I’ve been rethinking this. I’ve been wondering if I got part of it wrong. What if those “scarcity” thoughts aren’t just internalized fear? What if they are actually realistic and rooted in fact?

I recently came across this article, “America's Most Eligible Bachelors Are Suddenly Drowning in Women.” It breaks down some hard truths:

On dating apps, the pool of men (especially those over 30) who are emotionally mature, financially stable, and educated is dwindling. And those that have these qualities are getting flooded with attention or “drowning in matches.”

Here are the facts:

• Women in their 30s+ are outpacing men in both education and financial independence
• Single women now own more homes (2 million+ more) than single men
• There are simply fewer men who meet the baseline for what thoughtful, high-achieving women are seeking

Now I’m thinking that the dating landscape really has changed. And if that’s the case, then maybe the dating strategy needs to change too.

If I were dating in this current climate, here’s what I’d focus on:

1. Filter fast, attach slow. No more entertaining 'potential' or situationships. We need to lock in. Save your energy for people who you see a future with
2. Protect your time. Especially if you want a family. No wasting time on dead-end situationships, toxic relationships or dating someone you'd never marry. Be careful who you fall in love with
3. Go deep, early. Ask the BIG questions: values, lifestyle, emotional fluency.
4. Watch for deal-breakers. If something feels off, don’t override it. Don’t push down your quiet inner voice.
5. Ask about their exes. How someone reflects on past relationships tells you a lot about their emotional maturity. Do they bash they exes or can they take responsibility for their role in the relationship and the break-up
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I know that you can do amazing things, I mean, you’re already doing it! AND I believe that who you marry or spend your life with is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.

I'd love to know, have you felt this mismatch in your own dating life?
Hit reply and share your experience. I would love to hear from you!

With love,
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​Lori
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​Lori Husband, Ph.D.

Psychologist + Dating Coach for Women

​https://modernloveco.com/​

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